FINDING YOUR HEART (October 28, 2013)
For about a year now, I'd hear the name Emmanuel come up in my meditations. My mind tried to assign a few reasons to this--perhaps I would meet an Emmanuel that has all the answers. I was preparing to attend an all-weekend spirituality seminar, and that name flashed through my head again. I also kept getting a strong message that love was on its way.
As a single lady, I made sure I looked cute. I flung myself into my head and focused on the shallow--my hair, my makeup, what clothes I was wearing. I mean, the message was that love was coming. I wanted to be ready. I got to the conference and of course, it was crowded and the seats were jammed tightly against one another. I don't do well in these situations--I start to feel stifled and agitated by all the energy around me. Crowds have this way of making me want to run and hide, and I took a moment to remind myself that webinars will do just fine for the future.
The speakers were good, but I wasn't as moved as I thought I would be. Instead, my body ached from sitting in padded folding chairs for hours on end, I was frustrated with the immense lines and some of the less-than-love-and-light attendees. In all honesty, I couldn't wait for the conference to be over.
The very first evening of my conference extravaganza weekend, I chose to stand in line at a book signing for an author I thought I would have such a rapport with. I watched this person warmly take people's hands and give advice, and I was excited to have the same interaction. But when I walked up, this author just took the book and signed it without looking up. I started with "Hi, how are you?" This person finally looked up and answered me, and I continued with asking her a question about her upcoming work. She was kind, of course, but there wasn't the warm and fuzzy thing going on. The man sitting next to her looked at me blankly. I awkwardly took my books, said thank you and walked away with a twist in my gut. I was sorry I waited so long in line and dealt with the pushy and rude women behind me for that.
I walked out of there questioning if I was really in the same league as them. I've had my divine interactions, I've had Archangel Gabriel himself deliver life purpose messages. But I didn't feel like I belonged, that I was wrong for feeling frustrated and that perhaps she saw some darkness in me that I wasn't aware of. The next day of the conference wasn't much better. There was a big keynote speaker that people practically worshipped, but he left me cold. I really thought there was something wrong with me that this man's supposed tears on stage and constant talking about himself didn't move me more. I started to question everything--the guidance I'd received, the spiritual work I'd been doing, and oh--where the heck is this Emmanuel who is supposed to bring me love and make me all better?
I chose to skip the conference the next morning, but returned for the afternoon. Bruce Lipton and Gregg Braden were speaking and in my mind, they are not to be missed. Bruce's lecture was about love, and it made me smile. Ok--there's at least something there about partnership. Maybe that's what I was picking up on. And then there was Gregg Braden.
Gregg presented for a little over an hour and at the end he said that he was going to help us get into our hearts. I perked up. I'd been hearing all weekend that you need to live in your heart, but no one really talks about HOW to get there and how to stay there. Gregg said that he was going to show us a clip that would help us get to that place, and that afterwards we would do something with the feeling. Finally, I thought. Someone who is doing something concrete with us.
He stepped off stage and played a clip from the show X-Factor Australia. There was a young man there who has big dreams of being a singer. Instead of outlining his and his brother's extraordinary story, I'll guide you to see it for yourself here.
His name is Emmanuel.
Afterwards, Gregg asked us to close our eyes and sit with the feeling. That, he told us, is being in your heart. He told us to give the feeling a name so that we can call upon it anytime we want. I decided to simply call it Love.
It wasn't until I was walking to the subway afterwards that the pieces began to land gently together. Emmanuel, with his story of him and his brother, and the beauty that emanates from them, helped me find Love. He helped me find my heart.
Emmanuel Mustafa-Kelly can be found on Facebook. Please send a little love to him, his brother, and the mother who found and adopted these extraordinary angels.